DO YOU LIKE
HITCHCOCK?

		Review by Max Glaessner
THANK YOU TIP JAR DO YOU LIKE HITCHCOCK? - 2005 USA Release: July 1, 2005 Genesis Pictures Rated: Italy: T/ USA: Unrated

This made for TV movie, Dario Argento’s homage to the master of suspense himself, is by no means on par with anything that old Hitch would have created, but if you are a fan of both directors, chances are that you will probably find something enjoyable in this style over substance tribute.

The story, which Argento co-wrote with his long-time writing partner Franco Ferrini (OPERA, TRAUMA, PHENOMENA) begins when Giulio, an inquisitive little boy with a habit of snooping, is riding his bicycle through the woods. Little does he know as he peddles along, that he is soon to bear witness to a very strange horror. This unexpected surprise arrives in the form of two shabbily dressed women, presumably witches of some kind, who appear to have a vaguely lesbian relationship. Hidden behind the trees and brush, Giulio can see the two crones greet each other with a kiss, and then walk hand and hand into the forest. Forsaking his bicycle, Julio follows them all the way to an abandoned shed, where he spies through the window, as the two women, cackling, proceed to cut the head off of a live chicken.

Now, I can just hear you asking yourself. What the hell does this have to do with Alfred Hitchcock? Well, nothing much really, but you have to admit that the whole chicken sacrifice thing has a great way of grabbing your attention. In seriousness, this scene is successful in establishing Guilio’s curiosity, and how sometimes we have the tendency to put ourselves in the middle of a dangerous situation. Curiosity killed the cat, and for Giulio this lesson comes early in life.

Once the two vagrant women realize that their private chicken torture session is being observed by an outsider, they turn to the window where young Giulio’s face is pasted to the glass. They chase him through the woods for some time, covered in blood, all the while screaming, “WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU.” And “YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY FROM US!” Despite their protestations, Giulio grabs his bike and manages to peddle off to safety.

Cut to present. Giulio (Elio Germano: PADIGLIONE 22) is a hip and nerdy film student living in the heart of Torino, Italy. He leads the solitary existence of any college kid, in a decorated bachelor pad, raised several levels off of the ground in a spectacular neo classical building. From a cursory look at the posters for PSYCHO, VERTIGO, and DIAL M FOR MURDER plastered all around his room, we can tell where he derives most of his inspiration. Across the street from him, lives a girl named Sasha (Elisabetta Rochetti: NON HO SONNO, WAX MASK, THE CARD PLAYER, IL BOSCO FUORI), a real babe by all accounts, and the focus of Giulio’s continued fascination. He watches her undress through a pair of binoculars (think Hitchcock's REAR WINDOW) and sometimes argue with her mother. The tension between Sasha and her mom seems mostly focused around Sasha being a neighborhood tramp. In one particularly heated fight, the mother picks up a glass and hurls it at the back of Sasha’s head. You know, just typical mother/daughter stuff.

Giulio’s interest in Sasha really takes off when he randomly encounters her at the video store, where she is trying to check out a copy of Alfred Hitchcock’s STRANGERS ON A TRAIN. Interestingly, she reaches for the movie at the exact same time as another mysterious hottie named Federica (Chiara Conti: HATE 2 0) and an electric current seems to pass between the two girls, sparking an intense discussion about the classic film from 1951. “Hitchcock scares the shit out of me,” remarks Sasha. This line of hers strikes me as truly ridiculous, mostly because Sasha doesn’t look like the kind of girl who would have the patience to watch a Hitchcock movie (she seems more like the type who would be too busy dancing topless at the Euro Disco). But that’s beside the point. The two girls agree that Sasha will rent the movie first, and that she’ll bring it right back the next day for Federica to look at.

The meeting of the two girls arouses that rampant curiosity inside of Giulio, and he probably finds them arousing in other ways too. He is pleasantly surprised, upon returning to the video store, to find Federica there once again. Federica has come back to check out the Hitchcock thriller herself, and when she leaves the store, Giullio follows in hot pursuit on his bicycle.

As it turns out, Federica has gone to meet Sasha in a park, and when Giulio happens upon them, they are sitting on the edge of a fountain behaving, basically, like lesbians. Not like the witches in the beginning of the movie. This time there is cuddling and caressing, and sweet nothings being whispered. Poor Giulio can’t help but wonder what it is that the girls are whispering about. They only just met inside the video store. What secret are these girls keeping together?

Now we cut to the evening. A white-gloved hand fumbles with the key to the home of Sasha and her mother. Sasha’s mother is watching television and hears a noise. Assuming that it is her daughter, arriving home from some midnight tete-a-tete, the woman scurries throughout the apartment, looking for Sasha, that sneaky tramp. Finally satisfied that it’s only her imagination, she sits back down in front of the television, only to be bludgeoned from behind by a blunt object. She screams, but the white-gloved killer is relentless. Meanwhile, across the street, Giulio stirs in his sleep. He thinks he hears some shrieking from Sasha’s place, but he merely tosses and turns. It’s not until the sirens start blaring that he grabs his binoculars and goes to the window.

Soon enough, Giulio forms the theory that Sasha and Federica have tried to replicate the scheme in STRANGERS ON A TRAIN, by swapping murders. He believes in his heart that Sasha hired Federica to kill her mother, and soon enough there will have to be another murder. In the mean time, someone has begun to stalk Giulio and starts breaking into his apartment. One of these break-ins occurs as Giulio is in the shower (this scene cannot help but resonate shades of PSYCHO).

By the time we reach the mid point of the film, Giulio finds himself with a broken leg. Ordered by his doctor to recover in a cast and wheelchair, Giulio is confined to his apartment all the time and becomes a prime target for the killer(s), as he has now become embroiled in the deadly plot.

All right. Now that you have the synopsis, here’s the reason this film didn’t work. Simply put, the suspense is not consistent. For the first hour, Dario keeps us hooked on the edge of our seats, wondering how this is going to play out, but by the time hour two rolls around we get bored. Contrary to Hitchcock, who often built slowly and overwhelmed us as his films progressed, this one gets off to a strong start and then progressively disappoints. Most of the major plot twists in this movie are unremarkable, and the ending is downright drab. While Argento is sometimes known for wrapping things up a tad awkwardly, DO YOU LIKE HITCHCOCK? just leaves us feeling cheated. In my opinion, the latter half of this film takes what could have been a fairly decent horror/thriller and transforms it into a half decent afternoon hangover flick. Watching this, one almost has to wonder if Argento and Ferrini intended this story to climax so un-climactically, or if they felt they had to deliver something more suitable for a television audience?

That being said, fans of Hitchcock (and particularly Argento) might as well see this. While it’s certainly true that this was made for TV movie, Argento does a great job of serving up his most constant strength, which is, naturally, super bad ass cinematography. In spite of the overly glossy, direct to video camera work, Argento brings the city of Torino to life in vivid colorful detail that only he can create. Much like Hitchcock had the great ability to do, Argento makes us want to live on the street where his movie takes place. All of the houses on Giulio’s block are both historic and timeless at once, just the way they’d look in any Hitchcock classic. The big difference is that while Hitchcock preferred to shoot movies like REAR WINDOW on a big Hollywood lot, Argento found a real location that reflected Hitch’s set design to the T. This kind of visual authenticity should be applauded, and credit should be given in particular to Argento’s cinematographer, Frederic Fasano . The two of them as a team, create a paranoid atmosphere by zeroing in on the stone gargoyles and demons etched upon the buildings.

Also, a long with lavish visuals comes a strong soundtrack contribution, courtesy of Pino Donaggio (DON'T LOOK NOW [1974], CARRIE, THE HOWLING, TRAUMA, GRINDHOUSE/DEATHPROOF, and many, many more). Truly, Donaggio is a master of frightening music, and the contribution to this project was no exception. As I noted, while production value on this one was low, Donaggio provides a suspenseful and at times chilling score that will rival anything you are likely to see on a day time soap.

One other factor, not to be overlooked in DO YOU LIKE HITCHCOCK?, is the humor. Argento, over the years, has obviously come to know his audience. Take, for instance, the video store, in which so many crucial scenes occur. This video store is an indie film nerd joint (and we know because there’s one in every town). Some of the dialogue can only be amusing to those of us who have made a point of continually seeking out the weirdest films imaginable. For example, a moppy haired hipster enters the store at one point and asks,

“Do you have David Lynch’s BLUE VELVET with the interview?”
To which the clerk, replies, “No, but I have ERASERHEAD, with all the extras.”

In addition to this, the character of Guilio, himself, is often times hysterical. Guilio is the kind of guy that wears glasses, likes German expressionism, gets laid, and smokes weed while watching NOSFERATU. Personally, I have to root for a character like that.

I give it three shriek girls. Two of the girls are shrieking and one of them is half yawning.

This review copyright 2008 E.C.McMullen Jr.

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