STARMAN:

		Review by E.C.McMullen Jr.
IT HELPS TIP JAR STARMAN: EVIL BRAIN FROM OUTER SPACE STREAMING MOVIE STARMAN: EVIL BRAIN FROM OUTER SPACE - 1958 USA Release: 1965 (English Dub) Shintoho Company, Ltd., Walter Manley Enterprises, Medallion Films Rating: N/A

A spaceship!
Space!
Another different spaceship!
Then another!
Then the planet Zemar! You know, that one in the Moofene galaxy. Anyway, guess what happened there?

That's right!

"A decontrolled robot assassinated the Omnipotent Balazar (semi-omnipotent, anyway), who was known to possess the most brilliant mind in the universe."

"So powerful was Balazar's genius, that as he lay dying, his brain ordered built, a mechanism that would keep his brain alive even though his body was destroyed. And now his brain seeks universal conquest."

I don't get why Balazar is taking revenge out on an entire universe for the actions of one wonky robot, one that was likely his robot.

Doesn't seem very bright for a genius.

Then again, look what Jehovah did to billions of humans for the actions of only two people - and they were his people. And they didn't even try to kill him!

Instead of sticking with his own planet and galaxy, Balazar decided to go to another galaxy, ours, and begin his conquest with planet earth. His weapon will be atomic bombs.

Ahem.

Radiation is a threat to the universe, doncha know?

I would have thought something like, oh I don't know: black holes, quasars, magnetars, a really big galaxy destroying galaxy? But no: Atomic Bombs and radiation. It's always the thing you least suspect, isn't it?

Well, give 'em some slack. Japanese are the only people who have ever been attacked by nuclear weapons. Not once, but twice!

Meanwhile, on the Emerald Planet, the highest council in the Marfet galaxy (yes, a third galaxy), is worried that a nuclear war on earth will destroy the universe.

Ahem.

I don't need a...

!!!SCIENCE MOMENT!!!:
Do I? The very idea that earth could launch a nuclear war so devastating that it would destroy the universe? Assuming, for the sake of argument, that we were capable of creating the utter annihilation of earth by nuclear war: How could that possibly compare to, say, a Supernova?

And by the way, stars are going supernova all over our universe - in our galaxy - and not destroying the universe either. And HOO! Don't get me started on the radiation THEY give out!

I'VE CALLED YOU HERE TODAY, TO PAR-TAY!

So the high council send the creature made of the strongest steel. The creature who can disguise himself as an earthling: Starman (Ken Utsui: SUPER GIANT, INVADERS FROM SPACE, ATTACK FROM SPACE, ATOMIC RULERS, TIME SCOOP HUNTER)!

Also, they gave him a nifty watch that they call a globometer.

Meanwhile on planet earth, Balazar's brain was kidnapped and tucked into a suitcase by, apparently one of the few humans that Balazar's brain waves cannot control.

Unfortunately for the kidnapper who is trying to save earth, some cops assume that he is a bank robber and chase him all over town. In an effort to get away, the Kidnapper throws the suitcase about and...

Man, for a not quite omnipotent galactic genius, there is an awful lot that Balazar has not thought through. And boy is his brain ever having a tough time of it.

The Kidnapper drops the suitcase into a river and away goes helpless Balazar to parts unknown.

Turns out the Kidnapper is not the bank robber they thought he was, but they arrest him anyway for causing them such grief.

The kidnapper's name is Kawada (Hiroshi Asami: INVADERS FROM SPACE), and boy does he ever have a crazy story to tell the cops.

Kawada's boss, evil scientist, Dr. Kurokawa (Tomohiko Ôtani: THE SINNERS OF HELL, INVADERS FROM SPACE, ATTACK FROM SPACE, ATOMIC RULERS) calls the cops, who happily kowtow to his wishes to release Kawada.

Kawada runs out of the police station screaming "The brain! The brain!"

Almost immediately Kawada is surrounded by the evil henchman of Dr. Kurokawa who are following the telepathic orders of Balazar.

Balazar remains locked inside the suitcase and has no idea where he is. Neither do his henchmen. Neither does Kawada so they're going to kill him.

Except Starman (as Starman always does) appears at the last second to kick ass. Being made of the strongest steel, Starman makes short work of humans.

I GET A KICK OUT OF SAVING EARTH.

Starman takes Kawada to the home of genius scientist Dr. Sakuai (Akira Nakamura: THE DEPTHS, GHOST OF CHIBUA ENOKI, THE SINNERS OF HELL). Kawada firmly believes that Dr. Sakuai can destroy an indestructible brain without knowing anything about it.

Dr. Sakuai is doubtful (as anyone in their right mind would be), but his two adorable children convince him that he should at least give it a shot.

From then on it's all ridiculous Monkey Bat WTF monsters and fighting.

STARMAN: EVIL BRAIN FROM OUTER SPACE shows just what you can accomplish when you have hours of out-take footage from previous movies and you edit it all together.

You get a mess.

On the other hand, it is such an uproariously ridiculous mess that I can't believe how so many terrible directors who have come down the SciFi Horror movie route ever since, couldn't be at least as fun.

The directors who aren't really responsible (because they directed the other movies for other stories, not this one) are Koreyoshi Akasaka (INVADERS FROM SPACE, ATTACK FROM SPACE, ATOMIC RULERS),
Teruo Ishii (INVADERS FROM SPACE, ATTACK FROM SPACE, ATOMIC RULERS, INFERNO OF TORTURE, HORRORS OF MALFORMED MEN, THE TATTOOED SWORDSWOMAN, SCREWED, HELL, BLIND BEAST VS KILLER DWARF), and
Akira Mitsuwa (INVADERS FROM SPACE, ATTACK FROM SPACE, ATOMIC RULERS).

However the writer, Ichirô Miyagawa (THE SINNERS OF HELL, INVADERS FROM SPACE, ATTACK FROM SPACE, ATOMIC RULERS, THE GHOST OF THE ONE EYED MAN), can be blamed.

The special effects, concept, everything is both awful and whacked right out of its skull fun.

The future ruler of the universe is funding the building of his forces by jewelry store robberies with henchmen armed with hand tossed poison daggers. And as simplistic as this is, the police are helpless in the face of it.

So it's all up to Starman to settle everyone's hash. Seems he's up to it. Hell, Starman looks like he gets a kick out of it. Which is good because you never want to make the most powerful being in the universe feel like you're taking advantage of him.

In Japanese monster movies, the ancillary destruction from killing kaiju is nearly as bad as letting them work out their anger issues on a city. They die, they fall down, and the weight of their corpse wipes out the rest of the city you were trying to save.

And then of course, there's the removal of all those thousands of tons of rotting behemoth.

As for the monster mutants that Balazar's evil scientists (and Balazar's own psychic energy) are creating, whenever Starman defeats one, they explode into smithereens leaving nothing behind but an echo: no damage to their surroundings. Not so much as soot! And let me tell you, when it comes to no muss no fuss disposal of your enemies, that's a convenience you just can't put a price on.

Even for its time, the need for competent special effects of the day was thwarted by the basement level low budgets (Shintoho Company, Ltd. was the non-union, knock-off arm of Toho). Yet despite the cheepnis, the SFX crew gave it their all, coming up with creative, near hallucinogenic creatures. The actors in the suits went balls-to-the-wall in attempting to present an alien movement - nearly operatic in form.

The exposition/narration is annoying as it is pointless, as you'd expect. I've no idea if it was in the original Japanese version. And with a movie this bad, I doubt we'll ever see a subtitled print.

In the realm of so bad its good, STARMAN: EVIL BRAIN FROM OUTER SPACE gets three Negative Shriek Girls.

This review copyright 2014 E.C.McMullen Jr.

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