39 Years of CRITTERS

Long before the world-wide cultural watershed moment of 1990s 53K Internet and before the second onrush cultural watershed moment of worldwide distribution of wireless smartphones, stories and movies consistently used the vacuum of these two nonexistent technologies to propel their plot.

People without knowledge needed to seek out a library or wait for one to open. People needed to find the latest edition of a newspaper or track down a company or public entity (again, a library) to research something. People in danger needed to get to a phone somewhere, anywhere, even if that place appeared dangerous.

So back in 1986? Just what was it like to see the first theatrical showing of total n00b Writer and Director Stephen Herek's daeboo feature film, CRITTERS?

And -

THE TOXIC AVENGER is 39

There's only one force on earth that keeps the Japanese from outweirding the Good Ol' U.S. of A in cinema and that's the Troma Studios of Lloyd Kaufmann and Michael Herz. I was recruited into their madness when I saw THE TOXIC AVENGER!

Plus -

28 Years of ANACONDA

Yep! That's right! After a quarter century this movie remains on everyone's radar because despite its low budget, for 1997 it had better cgi than JURASSIC PARK! Way back then, Reviewer Kelly Parks was there in the theater to see the original ANACONDA!

Also -

HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES is 22

Two huge Horror fans in New York, Rob Zombie and Sean Yseult, met at a design school and started the White Zombie band in 1985. Rob wrote lyrics and created the direction. Sean wrote riffs, created the musical ethos (Noise Metal), and look of White Zombie. It took them years of living in poverty, scraping to get by, to finally reach success ten years later. In 1998 they broke up.

That same year, Sean and Rob started their own bands. Sean's was an all girl band, FAMOUS MONSTERS. Rob was himself with HELLBILLY DELUXE and was soon being courted by Hollywood. Why? Rob was talking about Directing Horror movies. After Rob designed a Halloween theme for Universal Studios in 1999, they accepted his pitch for a movie idea he made up on the spot.

However, in 2000, Rob knew shit about directing feature films and Universal eventually soured on his learning curve. Time passed and through all of the trials and tribulations, Universal released HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES on April 11, 2003, just one week before the Kansas City, Missouri World Horror Convention.

Wassmor -

THE DARK Turns 20

Imagine 2003...

Producer 1: "Hey! Check this out. Sean Bean, who plays Borimor in THE LORD OF THE RINGS, will be in a new big budget Hollywood movie called National Treasure."

Producer 2: "Hell, everyone involved in those Rings movies are taking off right now."

Producer 1: "But check out this slate! He's also contracted to be in the big budget Hollywood movies, THE ISLAND, FLIGHTPLAN, and SILENT HILL. All in development right now."

Producer 2: "Yeah his star is rising all right. Hooray for Sean Bean. Good for him."

Producer 1: "Ahem. Have you forgot? He's one of the actors we've contracted for our features! We can get him for our current movie right now!"

Producer 2: "Wait! WHAT? We've got Sean Bean?"

Producer 1: "Yeah!"

Producer 2: "We've got Super Hot Hollywood SEAN BEAN for our THE DARK?!?"

Producer 1: "YEAH!"

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THE HOWLING Turns 44

In the 1970s, Writer Gary Brandner made a good living off of his Horror novels, but he was really onto something when he wrote THE HOWLING.

Director Joe Dante has made some good movies, but he really wowed audiences with this movie, loosely based on Gary's novel and largely re-written by master scribe, John Sayles. Gary turned his novel into a popular series, Joe Dante moved on.

Yet to this day, the Wow factor is mainly thanks to the practical effects by Rob Bottin and Rick Baker, the changeling scenes remain unmatched by other make-up artists or CGI anything. This is THE HOWLING.

And -

GOTHIC Turns 38

As over the top and hambone in all of the scene chewing rococo ways that Director Ken Russell (ALTERED STATES) was infamous for, GOTHIC is Russell unleashed.

Plus -

SLEEPWALKERS Turns 33

While watching this movie in my foolish youth, I remember sitting in the theater with the distant hope that one of those damn cats would scratch my OWN eyes out before I had to watch another second of this drivel.

Don't worry, my review of SLEEPWALKERS will be brief.

Also -

SPECIES II is 27

To my knowledge, this movie is unique in the fact that all three of the big names were so repulsed by the finished product that they wanted nothing to do with it. Michael Madsen (who I'm certain has been in so much worse), and Natasha Henstridge disowned it (claiming, in fact, that they hate it). H.R. Giger, failing to get his name removed, asked that it at least be minimized so as not to promote the movie. No dice. SPECIES II, the last of the theater releases in this franchise, needed all the help it could get.

Wassmor -

ABOMINABLE Turns 19

Legendary film composer, Lalo Schifrin had a son, Ryan, who grew up surrounded by the movie industry. One day Ryan had a story about a monstrous Abominable Snowman. He got help fleshing it out, wrote the script, and wanted to direct it himself.

Of course, no matter how well-oiled the wheels are for you, if you get your big break - and you suck - you'll shrivel in the blinding bright glare of sneers and mockery that no bunch of yahoos from the Big Mitten would ever have to deal with, because nobody knows or gives a damn about who they are.

So when it came time for Ryan's turn at bat... He hit a home run!

Imagine how different his life would be today in 2024, as well as the lives of his investors, if they'd only have kept the faith in the audience (won two jury prizes at the 2006 Austin Fantastic Fest) and didn't toss Ryan's movie at the cable teevee, the second SciFi Channel waved a few bucks in their face?

This is the Cinema Obscura of Ryan Schifrin's great freshman entry into Horror, ABOMINABLE. Sadly, that was 19 years ago and Ryan never directed another feature film again.

Finale -

HAPPY HORROR THRILLER BIRTHDAYS TO -
By E.C. McMullen Jr.

Actor Producer Alex Pettyfer (TORMENTED, I AM NUMBER FOUR, BEASTLY, IN TIME, THE STRANGE ONES, THE LAST WITNESS, WARNING, THE INFERNAL MACHINE, SUNRISE, BLACK NOISE) is 35.
Look for Alex in the upcoming 2025 Mystery Thriller, BLURRED.

DRESS NICE
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