Review by E.C. McMullen Jr.
BEYOND THE BLACK RAINBOW - 2010 USA Release: April 22, 2011 Chromewood Productions, Elephant Eye Films, Magnet Releasing Rating: USA: R

In the plus category, N00b Writer and Director, Panos Cosmatos' BEYOND THE BLACK RAINBOW had a visually intriguing trailer and the poster was just the right touch of everything.

Everyone like me, who is Not a major or renown critic or reviewer, was enthusing over its eye-candy.

Its been called "Gorgeous", "Visual", "Visual Trip", "Visually Dazzling", and on like this.

Should you choose to dive into one of the actual reviews where these blurbs come from you find things like, "Slow", "Elongated".

What I also noticed is that all the reviewers had substantially different ideas of what was going on.

None of these come out of the movie, but out of the heads of the viewers trying to make sense of it all or at least attempt to match what they saw with the synopsis the distributor emailed them.

For certain, BEYOND THE BLACK RAINBOW is set in 1983 at the Arboria Institute.

Another day another session. Mind if I sleep through this one?

Beyond that, some reviewers think this is a commune and not a hospital. Others think it is neither a hospital or a commune but a psychiatric research center. Still others think it isn't any of those things, but instead a government funded prison meant to house a single telepath who is so dangerous she must be kept sedated.

Speaking of sedated, this movie will bombard you with a Crayola app of RGB colors, mostly Red and Yellow. Mostly.

"LABORIOUS"
- Feo Amante's Horror Thriller

You will see towering Tron-suited varmints that appear apropos of nothing. They/It will either stand there or walk to nowhere. That's it.

Such Set Pieces! Let's Set and Stare at this for the next 5 minutes!

And yes, there is a whole lot of brilliant visual interest here, yet all of it is wasted.

There is only a single working head of the institute, a slow moving, slow talking, Doctor Barry Nyle (Michael Rogers: HELLRAISER: HELLSEEKER, THE DEAD ZONE [TV], THE THING BELOW, IMPULSE [2008], CONTINUUM [TV], THE ABC's OF DEATH, FRINGE [TV], HOME INVASION, HOLLOW IN THE LAND, SIREN [TV]) who gets a tepid sadistic pleasure out of casually observing the Aboriem's only subject, an imprisoned and drugged to comatose patient named Elena (Eva Allen: CAPRICA [TV], THE GIRL IN THE PHOTOGRAPHS, GARAGE SALE MYSTERIES [TV]). Just as the extent of Barry's character is to scowl and look smug, so Elena's character path is to look mopey, dopey, and sad.

Something that was repeated too often in case we didn't understand from the first comatose hour that she was drugged.

"PONDEROUS"
- Feo Amante's Horror Thriller

My nephew was watching this with me and I think he passed out from boredom. It may be contagious. I'd better call a Somnambulance.

Great Cthulhu! And sitting there watching them in a Ron Cobb inspired interior lush with red and yellow filters for the majority of a 1 hour and 50 minute movie will challenge you to stay awake.

You know what? I think there is an outstanding 10 minute short movie lost in all of this, if only BEYOND THE BLACK RAINBOW wasn't 10 times longer than it needs to be.

It was as if Panos thought his audience was so dim that he had to slothfully talk us through every minutia so we could understand it, even going so far as to take up to ten seconds for a character to so much as press a button on an elevator.

Oh boy! I bet this movie is going somewhere now, right? Right? Hello? Wait, is this all?

There is also Margo (Rondel Reynoldson: UNFORGETTABLE [1996], CONTAGIOUS [1997], CABIN BY THE LAKE, SOLE SURVIVOR), the only nurse there: her character riffed from Nurse Ratchet while on Ambien.

Barry Nyle sometimes makes his way back to a house where resides a gal (Wife? Sister? Mother? Cousin?) named Rosemary Nyle (Marilyn Norry: FLINCH, THE SURGEON, MISSION TO MARS, THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE, Masters of Horror: DANCE OF THE DEAD, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA [TV - 2004], REAPER [TV], JENNIFER'S BODY, THE POSSESSION, HORNS, HOLLOW IN THE LAND, ALTERED CARBON, SIREN [TV]). Their conversations are as scintilating as a dreary couple staying together out of habit, discussing what type of lettuce they want to eat on Friday. In these scenes, Barry stands pouting and statue still while Rosemary looks like she wants to cry herself to sleep or throw a baseball through the window and run for the hills laughing maniacally.

But maybe I was just reading too much into it.

All of this is just barely held together by the doctor whose video pitch (to the government?) started this ball rolling back in the 1960s (this tedium fiefdom has been going on for nearly 20 years?!?). Dr. Mercurio Arboria (Scott Hylands: DADDY'S GONE A-HUNTING, EARTH II, SONG OF THE SUCCUBUS, THE ADVOCATE'S DEVIL, ACCEPTABLE RISK, BLACK RIVER, TIME AND AGAIN, GUIDE STONES [TV], REMEMORY) is old and dying by this point but appears to be the only person on earth who ever gave Barry's life any purpose, as questionable as that purpose is.

Wasn't this covered in 1980's ALTERED STATES ?

It's because of this single minded purpose that the 1 hour and 40 minutes of Barry and Elena's excrutiatingly dull backstory kinda, sorta explains why Panos finally shifts from First to Second gear and the last 10 minutes flushes down into a half-assed slasher flick.

"SOPORIFIC!"
- Feo Amante's Horror Thriller

One Shriek Girl.

This review copyright 2021 E.C.McMullen Jr.

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