NO ONE LIVES

		Review by Ken King
THANK YOU TIP JAR NO ONE LIVES - 2012 USA Release: May 10, 2013 Milk & Media, Constance Media, Pathe UK, WWE Studios, Anchor Bay Studios Rating: USA: R

"I don't lack emotion. I just process it differently."
- Driver

I have always told my kids,
"No matter how big of a badass you think you are, just remember this: There's always somebody, or a bunch of somebodies, that are far more badass than you ever thought you were."

NO ONE LIVES reminds me of another film that was released six years earlier under the Mick Garris produced television series, MASTERS OF HORROR, entitled, PICK ME UP, starring Fairuza Balk, Michael Moriarty, and Warren Cole. But while that short film was about two serial killers on the loose, employing different methods of doing their victims in, and seemingly in some sort of weird competition, NO ONE LIVES does it a bit differently. The movie leads you to believe we are seeing an innocent couple that are looking to build a new life elsewhere and are having "marital problems" that can be resolved by being elsewhere. Seemingly. It's not explicitly mentioned, actually, nothing is out loud. You can do nothing at this point than presume that is what is going on.

The man is "Driver" (Luke Evans: CLASH OF THE TITANS, IMMORTALS, THE RAVEN, ASHES, THE HOBBIT: DESOLATION OF SMAUG, DRACULA UNTOLD, THE HOBBIT: BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES, HIGH-RISE, MA, ANNA, ANGEL OF MINE, NINE PERFECT STRANGERS [TV]) and his traveling companion, Betty (Laura Ramsey: THE COVENANT, INSIDE OUT, CRUEL WORLD, VENOM, THE RUINS) stop into a motel to get a room for the night and go off, on the recommendation of the motel desk clerk, to find a restaurant to grab a bite to eat. They hardly have a chance to sit down and enjoy their meal, before they run afoul of the local bad guys (thieves and murderers to a man and woman) especially, Flynn (Derek Magyar: TRAIN, PHANTOM, THRESHOLD), who, earlier in the day, fucked up royally, when it came to a big job the gang were going to score big from. He feels he has something to prove to the gang leader, Hoag (Lee Tergensen: MIND BENDERS, CAST A DEADLY SPELL, THE FORGOTTEN, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING, Masters Of Horror: WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE SCREAM, THE COLLECTION, AMERICAN HORROR STORY, DEFIANCE [TV], THE STRAIN [TV], OUTCAST [TV], THE PURGE [TV]) who is still fuming about the botched job. Hoag finally has had enough of Flynn's crap in the restaurant, and he ushers his gang out of the eatery.

As they are going back to the motel, Driver and Betty are bushwhacked along the way. Of course, it is Flynn. He takes out their car while riding a motorcycle. He is seen a moment later, blurred out as Driver and Betty lose consciousness.
When they finally wake up, Driver sees they are in an old garage and one of the punks that accosted them at the diner, the hulking, Ethan (Brodus Clay: [aka Tyrus, of WWE and Impact wrestling fame], PREACHER [TV], SYN [TV], BEAST OF THE WATER) has both he and Betty, tied up to chairs, facing one another. He menaces them both with what appears to be a sharp knife. Shiny too! And makes all sorts of threats to the couple.

Meanwhile, back at the gang's hideaway, Flynn takes the car that Driver and Betty owned, along with their trailer they had been pulling to their hacienda. Hoag, while not exactly pleased with Flynn's actions, begrudgingly accepts the "peace offering." And so, Flynn, begins his inspection of what might be valuable, starting first, with the car. He finds something even shocking to one so brutal as he: A woman is locked away in a secret compartment in the trunk.

The girl makes a break for it but is easily recaptured. Hoag's daughter, Amber (Lindsey Shaw: THE HOWLING: REBORN, LOVE ME) watches tons of reality shows, especially, those involving true crime, and shows the others a tape she has about an heiress, Emma Ward (Adelaide Clemens: X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE, VAMPIRE, SILENT HILL: REVELATION) who disappeared several months before from a frat house where fifteen other students were brutally murdered and a two million reward to anyone that finds her, or knows of her whereabouts. So, the payday journey is back on, at least for the immediate future.

Since Hoag cannot get a response to the calls he has put in to Ethan, he sends two of his crew, Tamara (America Olivo: BLOOD WARS, FRIDAY THE 13TH [2009], TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN, NEIGHBOR, THE LAST RESORT, CIRCLE, MANIAC [2012], MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - ROGUE NATION, MARS PROJECT) and Denny (Beau Knapp: SUPER 8, THE SIGNAL, THE GIFT [2015], DESTROYER, MOSQUITO STATE) to find out why the big man isn't ringing in with any updates about their "guests."

The two ruffians make a grisly discovery and return to their club house to report in. They are visibly shaken and from that point on, the gang are on high alert. Emma, however, knows the inside scoop. No matter how bad the gang holding her is, the dude known as Driver, makes them look like bloody amateurs. Soon, they find out the truth of her words, and not exactly the way they wanted to find out.

I have to hand it to Director Ryûhei Kitamura (DOWN TO HELL, ALIVE [2002], ARAGAMI, GODZILLA: FINAL WARS, THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN, DOWNRANGE, NIGHTMARE CINEMA) the dude has an eye for very creative kills and elevating them to a near artistic level. What he has done here with NO ONE LIVES in the gore department (with a flick you wouldn't really expect from something being produced by WWE Studios with their wrestling brand being so PG), he does so with no regards for any set amount of rules. Like with Takashi Miike, Kitamura throws everything against the wall and sees what sticks, or slides down in a slimy trail of blood, guts and offal and rolls with it.

Also, I must hand it to the SFX and makeup department. Those guys made this all look really, really good. If I have any major gripes with the movie, it lies with the sound department. There were places in the movie where Luke Evans' character of Driver, does his vocal impression of Clint Eastwood to where it is so low (Especially, around anything dubbed Heavy Equipment) that I couldn't understand a single word he was saying, no matter how loud I had the volume on my television.

This is problematic. People are unforgiving when it comes to sound. You can get away with much visually, so to speak, but where it comes to sound, it ain't happenin' my friend. You might have a great movie on your hands, but if people can't hear anything, it's doomed to failure.

I found the heiress, Emma, being locked in the trunk, a bit hard to swallow. She was in there for quiet awhile and never uttered a peep. True, she could have been threatened to keep her piehole shut, because if she didn't, it was lights out for her, permanently. Obviously, she had been in there for some time, as Tamara remarks something along the lines of, "She smells like a toilet!" when they pull her from the trunk. Yet, through all she had been through, Emma was never once hysterical, aside from the day she was captured.

While I find this movie a very entertaining watch, and Driver was a great character, some of the elements in the rest of the review kept NO ONE LIVES from me giving it higher than it should have gotten.

FINAL THOUGHTS
While I understand that WWE Studios have an obligation to foist their brand on the general public, by pushing their sports entertainers in as many different directions to sell merchandise, anytime they cast their own "actors" to fill a role in a movie being produced by their company, I must say, this takes me right out of the movie, every single time.

I find this almost equally true with rock stars. If it does me, then I'm pretty sure I can't be the only one. How can one familiar with the weekly programming of their shows, not have trouble with believing people they see as the likes of John Cena, Triple H, Kane, etc. expecting any moment, not drop an elbow on someone, or put a villain in a chokehold?

The only one who has gotten away with this without that stigma for the most part, in my opinion, is Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock (THE MUMMY RETURNS, THE SCORPION KING, DOOM, RAMPAGE). And even he gets yanked back into that category from time to time, because of his association with the WWE and the McMahon family.

Something to think about, WWE. Keep the wrestlers out of the flicks and hire actors from outside the ring and you might have a genuine hit on your hands one of these days.

Three Shriek Girls

This review copyright 2022 E.C.McMullen Jr.

HERE WEAR ONE OF MINE
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